A few years ago I wrote an article for an online NLP newsletter titled “Into the Internut”. I felt compelled to write about my own experiences after experiencing online cyber stalking. In the article I pointed out how often people would frequently fall into the habit of “mindreading” in their communications, where a person is certain that they actually know what the other person thinks!
This kind of behavior produces all manner of miscommunications and altercations between individuals. The controversial article written in 2004 referenced a number of NLP newsgroups and received a huge response from individuals complaining that I was in some way making fun of this particular group of people and that I should certainly be reprimanded for having such (and even worse, voicing such) views! Many other individuals thought the article very funny and I received a number of e-mails congratulating me on writing about this subject. I also confess that I was (and will continue to engage in) making fun of this type of nonsense which is not only embarrassing but also creates a dreadful impression of the field of NLP as a whole.
Many people who know me from running NLP workshops don’t realize that I have a history of running international events as far back in time as 1982 and have taught many different forms of personal development which resulted in creating the Human Alchemy series of CDs and later The Art of Good Fortune workshops. As well as my public events I have for years run private invitation only events for more advanced students I work with. This experience has made me very aware of group dynamics and those individuals who prize status and “belonging to a club” above all other issues.
In 2004 I began to realize that becoming more in the public spotlight attracts all manner of attention, some productive, some less so. I had heard of celebrity stalking (and I would in no way describe myself as, nor would want to be “a celebrity) but didn’t yet fully realize how obsessed some people could be with other people’s behaviour. On one NLP newsgroup I actually had a couple of individuals enthusiastically post up to 200 negative posts each month, totally certain that I had a series of online alias’s and fully determined to reveal any and all supposed imagined wrongdoings. One of the main characters (such people are always anonymous, so “characters” is an appropriate term in this context) had a series of previous fixations with Scientology and Christianity and the other character chose to name himself after a popular brand of clothing! Both were convinced that if number of individuals used the same internet connection, all such communications must of course be one single person. Of course there is little point in even discussing such matters when people are so totally convinced of their own beliefs…
I later found out that such obsessive behavior is common for those people whose whole lives literally revolve around “a virtual cyber existence”. With the advent of the internet age this can and often is a 24 hour a day preoccupation. Interestingly I have seen clients in private practice who also exhibit exact such behaviours with many becoming quite paranoid in their imaginings about what they believe others “are doing” which fills their every waking moment.
Many posters online will obsess about what “they imagine” is taking place on newsgroups and forums and will frequently polarise into a “pack like mentality” where any challenging of the status quo or party line is met with a great deal of aggression and negativity. On one NLP forum hysterically the owner of the site added a “thumbs up, thumbs down” facility so in the great Roman tradition the pack could make their views plain without reverting to any actual discussion.
Such behaviour is also wonderfully described by my good friend Andrew T Austin as “whooping” The same Austin also coined the immortal term to describe this group as “happy clappers” Many such people then become “seminar junkies” spending as much time as possible (financially and time wise) in attending endless self improvement workshops to the extent that their whole world becomes centred on interacting with people who reinforce the group mindset. These individuals often become disconnected from everyday living and quite “Walter Mitty” like in their interactions with others, often hugely exaggerating their experiences in life in an attempt to impress others.
Such people desperately want to belong to any club that will have them as a member and yearn for an imagined improved status in life. The rise of Facebook and other such social networking sites is another indication of people wanting to “belong” to a group of some sort. Another example of “wanting to belong” is the obsession with qualifications and there are even examples of such people fabricating qualifications where they hugely exaggerate their own skill level and experience in life, to almost comical effect. I sat in a workshop once where such an example was of a trainer making ever more exaggerated claims to the audience including claiming to have trained an entire Olympic team of athletes!
This kind of behaviour also often results in claiming and/or owning other people’s experiences, and claiming other people’s experiences to the extent of actually telling other people’s life stories claiming them as their own! This kind of behaviour produces a kind of urban folk law that that then forms the basis of a group belief that forms the basis for entry to “the club” that would admit them as a member. These groups are especially prevalent on the World Wide Web and it’s not uncommon for individuals to spend hundreds of hours defending the group’s beliefs in a manner often reminiscent of the “Emperor’s New Clothes” story, where every action is spun to have some greater meaning and where personality worship eclipses personal discrimination. Such obsessions are commonplace in cults where the leader can literally do no wrong in the eyes of followers!
There are fortunately some excellent NLP Trainers and Practitioners and I count myself very lucky to know and co train with many of them. These individuals all have a good sense of humour, an interest in continued learning and development and a real creative ability. Many quietly go about their business running smaller numbered skills based trainings.
Just a few Sunday thoughts...
www.nickkemp.com
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